abandoned by my cardiologist

Today I feel abandoned by my cardiologist. He told me two years ago to stop being worried about my heart. He said "You let me be your doctor. Your heart is fine now. Your heart muscle is fine. You let me worry about your heart. You just go out there and live." So I have tried to do that, but I did not know I had to worry about my lungs other than what we all do to protect our lungs. I think a little tutorial about PH may have been nice to have. Maybe an earlier referral to the Cleveland Clinic. I might have stayed away from the Peachtree Road Race or at least pre qualifying so that I could get a good number and a teeshirt that fit might not have meant as much.
I look cachexic so today I ate a whole Zero candy bar between my meals. In two months I have gone from okay thin to skinny. I can count all my ribs, even the ones I don't have. The last time I was this skinny was just after Dougie died. It took me a year to get back to a normal weight. I was only 26 then. I wonder what kinds of fattening things I can eat besides candy bars . . .avocados. I like avocados and cheese. I like Spanish olive oil. . . I wish I had not lost my cell phone today.
I want to get my hair straightened again. It is so easy to care for now, but I don't know about the chemicals.
Rick was painting the upstairs hall when I got home. I made him stop. I don't know about the fumes.
I have an appointment with a pulmonologist next week for pulmonary function studies.
It is windy outside tonight, and windy in my heart.
BP today is 127/85
RR 16
HR 77
wt 131
Maybe this is my new normal, slightly sick stable. Maybe I can stay like this for years.